she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize