the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
