the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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