my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do vagina's smell?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
