Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
