Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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