I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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