I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
