I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
