Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
