it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
