Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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