I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
