She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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