A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All the doctor said was why
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
