K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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