You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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