He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He kissed a someone with a penis
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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