Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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