Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
