I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
