I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
