I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Randomize
