Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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