he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His nipple licking is glorious
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