I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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