I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
