it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
