So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
