think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
