i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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