so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
PANTIES FOUND
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