You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
