Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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