Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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