We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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