Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize