I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
