my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
