Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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