last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
