Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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