Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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