This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There r osticjed everywhere
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
