I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if only i could text you this smell
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This house was built for laser tag.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
