you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize