So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
