why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
