She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
