I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
