end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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