Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
