Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
