she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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