My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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