i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
