Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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