She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
