Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
