im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
