Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
