I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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