I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
