thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
