My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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