all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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