He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize