Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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