Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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