We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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