the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
