How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
