Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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